i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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