She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
