I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
this hospital has no fireball
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
