My room smells like vodka and shame
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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