just tell him i said nine months
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
