I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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