u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
