An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
