I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
