don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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