Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
