At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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