I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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