Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
