hotel room ftw
She is in my trunk
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
