Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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