Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
