Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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