At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
