She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
