sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
