I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
