Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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