Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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