Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
