This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
