I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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