he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
