do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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