Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
