Got a toothbrush?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He better not be in your backpack
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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