Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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