Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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