Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
