My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
