I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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