I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
