I just threw up on my dentist
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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