It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude. I can hear the air.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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