you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
