woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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