He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
