His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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