Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
