Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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