remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize