Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
