Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sober January is a disaster.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Randomize
