after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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