He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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