When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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