i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
