**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize