you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My pussy is not your playground.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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