Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
