I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
