i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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