And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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