Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
