is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
