He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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