The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize