i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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