Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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