I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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