Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
