WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize