he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
