I wannas sexs uuuuu
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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