My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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