Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
