Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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