Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
