Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
