covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
