I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did i walk over a car last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
