Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
