Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this will be a night to untag.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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