Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
